Well Done Brunei. Your ‘Death to Gays’ Policy is a Big Step Forward.
It’s all downhill from here.
From today, Wednesday 3rd April 2019, gay sex will become punishable by death in Brunei, the small Asian country on the island of Borneo.
Brunei is probably best known to many of us as the home of the Sultan of Brunei — who was often described as one of the richest people in the world, in the age before the tech billionaires became even richer.
Brunei, I just learnt, is officially known as ‘Nation of Brunei, the Abode of Peace.’ Yes, really! It’s the ‘Abode of Peace’ that wants to kill people for no good reason. I suppose it’s like when you name your country, ‘The People’s Republic of ….’ when the last thing you want is to allow the people to have much of a say in how the country is run. Or if you want to rig an inquiry to tell you exactly what you want to hear, you can just call it an ‘Independent Inquiry’ and then it doesn’t matter anymore that it’s not really independent.
But I digress.
So, yeah — it’s official. In Brunei, you can now be killed for gay botty sex.
The execution method to be used is at least a modern and humane one: Stoning. And it’s not like anyone is ever actually going to be executed for this crime. Apparently you’ll only be convicted in the unlikely event that you’re seen ‘in the act’ by four people…
..or if you confess. And, given the progressive nature of the regime, it’s hardly likely that there will be an unreasonable level of torture involved in trying to beat a confession out of you. So it’s all pretty harmless, really.
But some people don’t like this new law. George Clooney is one of them. And he’s calling for a boycott of luxury hotels that are owned by the Brunei Investment Agency. These apparently include the well-known Dorchester Hotel in London and the Beverly Hills Hotel in Los Angeles.
And this boycott, I suppose, has only now become justifiable because, prior to today, homosexual acts were punishable merely by imprisonment of up to ten years. So, obviously, there was no need for a boycott back then — not when the Brunei government was being so damn reasonable and lenient.
Brunei did start gradually imposing Sharia law in the country in 2014, but who cares about a minor little thing like denying everyone in the country their basic human rights, when you can still have gay sex and only be subjected to the slight inconvenience of being incarcerated for ten years?
But now that the gradual imposition of Sharia Law has resulted in the death penalty for gay sex, people seem to be sitting up and taking notice.
So, as I say; well done Brunei. You’ve finally managed to press the right button to be able to get the world’s attention. And maybe now that George Clooney is pressing his celebrity mates not to go to your posh hotels anymore, the Sultan will have the incentive he needs to realise the error of his ways and change direction. Maybe he’ll realise that ten years in jail was not excessively lenient after all — and he’ll reserve the death penalty for only the most serious crimes… such as choosing your own religion, for example.
Yep. I’m confident things will get better from this point onwards. The future looks good!